Chapter+2

‘Couple’ issue among University Malaysia Pahang (UMP) students LITERATURE REVIEW

**2.0 Introduction**

Manolson (2004) mentions that “Dating rarely involves true love, no matter what we may think at the time and it is therefore far better at teaching us what love is not than what it is” and Fincham, Owen, Rhoades & Stanley (2008) also states that the “couple” will feel hurt after going out or dating together and they feel confuse about their future relationship with their partner. However, as we can see nowadays there are high numbers of teenagers of going for dates and become 'couple' even though there are research on the impacts of this activity. Therefore, this topic is for the knowledge in understanding the reasons of their 'couple' activities.

 Dating is a form of courtship, and may include any social activity undertaken by typically, two persons with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. Dating or also known as meeting each other frequently is being practiced by almost all of the teenagers in the world where there are many theories and reasons of why an individual choose a partner. These theories allow us to understand the process of mate selection and view it in a maturational perspective. 'Couple' statement in this topic is referring on the person who are in a dating process. "Couple" in Malaysia is describing as teenagers in different genders are in love, go for dating and also goes out together. Previously, we rarely saw this situation among the college students or university students. It only happens at the big university in this world for example in United States. But nowadays, this situation happens at almost university especially in Malaysia and as the reference to make the scope of study become small, we are doing research in University Malaysia Pahang (UMP).  **2.1 Reason why students choose to be 'couple'.**  2.1.1 Reduce the stress by sharing the problems.   Blake et al (2008) found further evidence that males are more romantics than females in that man significantly more likely than women to believe that they could solve any relationship problem as long as they were in love. This statement show that in a love relationship, a partner will care about each other. Thus, it clearly show to us that we can cope a problem and sharing all the experience that we through in study year with our loved one. Blake et al statement that said about intimacy is strongly true when Tour ( 2009). said in an article each of the partners believing they are being healed by the other. Based on the statement, it shows that a couple will help each other cope the problem and it surely can reduce the stress among the teenagers.  2.1.2 Maturation process (development of romantic’s relationship and desire for sexuality).  According to Hartup (1999). , childhood intimacy, for example bears on success in establishing romantic relationship during adolescence and in turn, supportive romantic relationship between adolescents especially when one partner is socially mature it will minimize the change that vulnerable individuals with experience interpersonal difficulties in early adulthood and beyond. Thus, it can said that a teenager is socially become mature and developing romantic relationship in their relationship. Then, with the intimacy, a teenager can reduce the change that vulnerable them with experience interpersonal difficulties during adolescence. Furman, Brown, Feiring (1999) state that romantic relationship has a beginning, middle and often end. During the same time that this transaction is occurring in the relationship themselves, the individual involve changing developmentally. Romance that begin before pubescences extent into adolescent period. 2.1.3 Relationship can give them happiness during the study year or as spirit in their life. From Demir (2008) emphasized that involvement in a romantic relationship moves one to a new level which is the higher level. This statement is true because normally a partner will give us spirit to through the life. Besides, life will be as easy as A, B, C and all the times that we trough become a wonderful life. According to Newmen ,(2007), the rest of us will work out our love relationship with ‘real humans’. His point targets the important of love in one’s life that provides a paralleled richness, meaning and happiness. Thus, happiness is the important key to the teenager. With happiness, we can encounter a problem with smile because we know that someone will support us through the problem. When we involve in love, sharing is one of the main thing that show caring between the a couple. 2.1.4 To gain experience or satisfactions. As we all know, in a campus, majorities of student have partner or in the other word, ‘puppy love’ wide spread between student. This surely gives a wonderful life experience to a student especially when they are in maturation process. Normally, similarities between a “couple” is important to give a satisfaction. It is clearly shown to the statement made by Luo (2009), for the profile similarity correlation, attitudinal similarity has weak or no association with satisfaction, whereas personality similarity is a reliable predictor of relationship satisfaction. ** 2.2 The effects from 'couple' activities. ** 2.2.1 The 'couple' will have lowers relationship satisfaction. According to the first article Fincham, Owen, Rhoades & Stanley (2008) from their discussion, they suggest that woman will feel more upset than men when hooking up together. Furthermore, they also found that many women will feel more upset than men after hooking up or “dating” together as cited in Glenn & Marquardt, (2001). They state that woman will tend more risk of feeling upset about their relationship. Moreover, this statement also similar as the second article Capaldi & Kim, (2007). Although their article is about cohabiting couple, we also can assume that in our situation because this situation also can happen in big city and big university such as at Kuala Lumpur. As we know, our university also will face the same problem in the future as we have our main university that is located at the Pekan, Pahang. They found that married couples are different with cohabiting couples in many aspects and cohabiting couples seem had encountered many problems than married couple. 2.2.2 The “couple” also may feel hurt and confuse about their relationship. As in the article Fincham, Owen, Rhoades & Stanley (2008) state that the “couple” will feel hurt after going out or dating together and they feel confuse about their future relationship with their partner. In the other article according to the previous study, also agree that the “couple” will feel confuse, anxiety and tension in their relationship. They cannot guarantee how far their relationship will last. They also not sure about their partner plan in the future. They confuse about their partner intention on their relationship whether it is just for fun or they will end it with marriage. This proves that this activity or “coupling” bring negative effects on students or teenagers lifestyles. This effect will make their head mixed with all feelings and they cannot think normally about their future life. This will make their attitude more complicated. This will be a big problem for the university when their attitude cannot be control anymore especially for the students that stay outside hostel. 2.2.3 “Couple” can affect the students’ psychological well-being. In the article Fincham, Owen, Rhoades & Stanley (2008) state that the students will have lowers psychological well-being. They feel regret after dating and this will makes them more to depressive symptom. They did not benefit their mental health mannerly and this will lead them to the lower psychological well-being. This statement is similar as statement in an article Jezl, Molidor & Wright (1996) state that the student will have psychological maltreatment. Although this article about 14 years ago, but the result is the same as the latest research. That means that this activity which means ‘couple’ had this problem. They found that the levels of women and men that will experience this psychological maltreatment are nearly the same. They also will face psychological crippling. Furthermore, they also found that the psychological maltreatment and physical abuse are related in the teenage relationship. In addition, in the other article, Hird (2000) state that the “couple” will experience psychological aggression that will cause them having highly stressful and damaging as cited in Pagelow, (1981). The most frequent was name-calling. Girls are subjected to name-calling rather than boys and the most word that they used are “slag”, “tart” and “bit” which referred to “promiscuous” or “frigid” sexual behavior. 2.2.4 “Couple” affects students’ education. In the article Fincham, Owen, Rhoades & Stanley (2008) state that “couple” will affect students’ academic or education and also their social functioning. In addition, they found that one of the factor from the many, “couple” lead to the findings that 90% of students report feeling stressed while in college and nearly 40% students being so distressed in college that will disturb their academic and social functioning as cited in American College Health Association Owen & Rodolfa, (2007) in press. Moreover, this effect also mentions in the article Jezl, Molidor & Wright (1996) stated that the student especially male students did not cooperate in their study. They also did not answer the questionnaires according their true experience on “couple”. This shows that when the students start to “couple”, they will have a problem with their study. Their reputation of study will be low because they spent much more time with their partner rather than studying. 2.2.5 Physical aggression on students. In the Hird (2000) article, she mentioned that the “couple” will experience the physical aggression in their relationship. Physical acts such as pushing, grabbing or shoving, slapping, kicking, biting and also hitting with a fist are common and “normal” in “couple” relationship. Most of the girls reported that they had been hit by their boyfriend. This will lead to the serious injured and harm the girl if we do not take a serious action about it. Furthermore, in the other article Jezl, Molidor & Wright (1996) they also discovered that the “couple” will experience physical violence. It stated that 13.4% of the “couples” remain in the physical violence in their relationships. They also found that girl was highly percentage that remains in the physical violence in their relationship rather than men. In addition, they also mentioned that the “couple” will experience physical aggression at some. As I had mentioned above, the psychological aggression is related with the physical aggression. This means that the higher psychological aggression that the “couple” experience, the higher physical aggression that happens to them. 2.2.6 Sexual aggression In the Hird (2000) article, she stated that majority the girls mentioned that they were being pressured or forced by their partner to engage in some of sexual activity. The most sexual activity that the girls hate is unwanted touching by their partner or boyfriend. This could happen mostly when they date or in social events such as in party. This statement is same as statement Jezl, Molidor & Wright (1996) that “couples” brings them to the sexual aggression or sexual abuse. They found that percentage of female that had experienced sexual abuse or aggression is consistent with the findings in the dating violence literature. But, the percentage of male that experienced this situation is higher than the previous dating violence literature, Jezl, Molidor & Wright (1996) that discovered only one man that having sexual aggression. However, the current study found that 12% of male had reported of experience sexual aggression or sexual abuse. ** 2.3 Is the relationship that students have today with their special partner ('couple') can lead to marriage? ** 2.3.1 ‘Couple’ is in understanding process.

Manolson (2004) mentions that “Dating rarely involves true love, no matter what we may think at the time and it is therefore far better at teaching us what love is not than what it is”. According to a 1995 report of the Council on Families in America, the probability of a newlywed couple ending up divorces or permanently separated was a staggering 60%. Modern marriage emerges on overwhelming failure. Therefore, the chances for a stable marriage increase as both partners reach the age of 30 and the rates level off. The ‘couple’ may not think for marriage too early as they are still in the process of understanding each other. However, as they have already go for dating and meeting each other frequently, the desire of getting married early will come and affecting them. Some people might says that love is blind, therefore whoever fall in loves will definitely cannot think as wisely as they were because they are too focusing on something that they are not really sure about it.

2.3.2 Must be serious and loyal to each other. Wegert (2007), mentions that many teenagers move from one relationship ‘couple’ to another searching for real love, “They do not realize that they are looking for love in all the wrong places and not realizing that they are damaging their own emotions themselves”. In a teenage life, teenagers will absolutely thinking of fun only until they come to their maximum happiness where they will stop by themselves and find the truth about their desires by their own or learning from their views. Not all relationships are working out they way they should. Many teenagers think that when they fall in love or start liking someone, they can start their relationship. Manolson (2004) states that many people will enhance the personal development by teaching the relationship skills, helping one another to understand the opposite sex and revealing each other needs. Those are may be the most effective ways to learn how to choose the right person and make marriage work. As many say that dating prepares the real thing for the couples and without dating experience, couples will not ready enough they may spending time getting to know each other and also find peace with one another before bring anyone else into their life. 2.3.3 ‘Couple’ must make a wise decision. There are many reasons why individuals choose their partner. They have their own perspectives that only can be made by them. Different people make a different decision. Wegert (2007) mentions that in a real life, people are very messed up in mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Therefore, it is very important on choosing the best partner in your life. Manolson (2004) states that teenagers should think twice before involving themselves and anyone else in a relationship unlikely to go anywhere, “Whether because you are not sticking around, he or she is not what you are looking for or you are not ready for anything serious.” Even though everyone does it, but it does not make it right. This statements may be true as people should not always follow the others because they afraid that they may leave behind and know nothing. 'Couple' relationship may disregard both the others’ feelings when they are not really understood their partner’s need and concerns. Manolson (2004) also states that “When you date, you will allow someone to develop strong feelings for you and that is not fair to other person if you are primarily interested in something other than sincere relationship.” Wise decision is very important in life because it will affect everything that we are going to do in future. 2.3.4 Ready for many responsibilities. Manolson (2004) mentions that marriage is scary as it means constantly considering another’s needs, desires and feelings and never again living only for yourself. At some point, there are saying says that after testing the water, we have to jump in if we want to swim. This situation makes life interesting when people have to make decision, be responsible for others and make the right decision. Outcalt (2006), states that marriage is based on mutual love, respect and trust. It is important that before getting the chances of trying the test or making life interesting by self-identifying periods, ‘couples’ should actually care for the best partner to be chosen especially for women as the facts that unfortunately good men are few and far between, that is a big part of the reason for this statement that women standards for who is acceptable dating material is not high enough. Wegert (2007) states that it seems that many women are willing to date almost everyone. This situation might be true as many women are more successful than men nowadays where they have to choose the best partner for them as women need someone that can take care for them forever. Therefore, there are many responsibilities that each partner must endure for the marriage life, especially for the men because they will be the leader for a marriage. Therefore, it is important that every partner make a wise decision and best ‘couple’. Because, dating the wrong partner can ruin each other life. **2.4Conclusion** Manolson (2004) states that “In short dating may teach you how to date, but it will not teach you how to be married and the illusion that it does can be harmful. Marriage should be approached with an open mind and as few preconception as possible. It is a new experience.” Therefore, there are just so many variables that determine outcomes in life. Whether the relationship that happens today can lead ‘couples’ to married life or not is depending on their understanding to one another and matured thinking or decision that they make. Even though love relationship between student or ‘puppy love’ rarely give the bad effect to the student in focusing to study, financial, and other .But, it also can be as cure to student’s stress. It can say that love could give us a thousand of smiles. Previous researches showed that “couple” or “puppy love” among students in the university has badly or negative affects to them. As we discuss earlier, “couple” especially girls will feel upset after dating or going out together with their partner and they also will experience lower relationship satisfaction. In addition, the “couple” also feels hurt after hooking up together and confuse about their relationship with her/his partner. They also did not know about their future plan with their partner whether their relation is just for fun or will lead them to marriage. What ever occur either before, during or after the relationship, each partner must accept or try to encounter the problem between them. = BIBLIOGRAPHY:  =

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Dolson Blake et al (2008)College student rank/gender/race and attitude toward therapy : Choices in Relationships: An Introduction to Marriage and the Family.48-50. ======

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Gila Manolson (2004). Head to Heart: What to know before dating and marriage. (page 19-33) Jerusalem, Israel: Targum Press, INC ======

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 Hyoun K. Kim and Deborah M. Capaldi (2007), Generalizability Issues in Observational Studies of Couples: Sample Characteristic and Task Design, J Marriage Fam. 2007 February; 69(1):86-91. ====== = = James Wegert M.Ed (2007). Straight Talk about Dating. (page 2, 10, 13, 81-83). Teen UTM, Lancaster, Unites States.

Jesse J. Owen and Galena K. Rhoades and Scott M. Stanley and Frank D. Fincham (2008), “Hooking Up” Among College Students: Demographic and Psychosocial Correlates, Arch Sex Behav (2010) 39:653-663.

Jezl,D., Psy.D. Molidor,C. and Wright,T. (1996). Child and Adolescent Social Work Journal: Physical, Sexual and Psychological Abuse in High School Dating Relationships:Prevalence Rates and Self-Esteem Issues.13

<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">J H.Newmen (2007). Choices in Relationships: An Introduction to Marriage and the Family: <span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">An Introduction to Marriage and the Family.48

<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">M. Dupré la Tour (2009). Functions of the ‘couple’. France. 18, 169—170

<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Myra J. Hird (2000), An Empirical Study of Adolescent Dating Aggression in the U.K., Journal of Adolescence 2000, 23, 69-78.

<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Demographic and Psychosocial Correlate. Retrieved from Springer Science+Business || <span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Shanhong Luo (2009). Partner selection and relationship satisfaction in early dating couples:page 12-34 Teen UTM, Lancaster, Unites States. <span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Todd Outcalt (2006) Before I Say “I DO’. (page 2,10, 13)The Penguin Group USA.
 * <span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Owen ,J.Galena K. Rhoades,Scott M.Frank ,D,F. . ( 2007 ‘‘Hooking Up’’ Among College Students:

<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">William Hartup. (1999). The development of romantic relationships in adolescence. Cambridge University Press.5

<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Wyndol Furman, Benson Bradford Brown, Candice Feiring (1999). The development of romantic relationships in adolescence. Cambridge University Press.5-7

**FULL LITERATURE REVIEW :**

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;">The reasons why students choose to be ‘couple’: <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;">

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The effects from ‘couple’ activities : <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Is the relationship that students have today with their special partner (‘couple’) can lead to marriage :



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